I went into Costco yesterday and I was overcome with a deep depression that took the entire rest of the day to get out of. Normally, I try not to think about meat-eaters too much. I try not to focus on the animals I am not consuming, but that others are. But in Costco, I walked in and smelled meat. I haven't had such a strong aversion to that smell since I was pregnant (I'm not now pregnant. I'm sure of it). By the time I got to the back of the store where all the meat is, I was just dreading it. People were buying these huge chunks of meat, pieces I used to buy and parcel out for the month. It reminded me of all that meat that I ate, and all that meat that others are eating. I was hormonal (I am not pregnant) and I had this sadness like I just can't even interact with meat eaters anymore. My friends and family are one thing, but strangers who want to question or criticize me just make me crazy. I don't want to have to justify what I'm doing. I'm not killing or torturing animals as a means to nourish myself or my family... How is that a problem?
Bah!
I know this too shall pass, but it was such a hard day. I saw this hilarious bingo card today though, and it made me laugh. It's so true of every meat eater who has rubbed me the wrong way with their questions (mostly, the people that respect your choices don't have a lot of questions or concerns).
My favorite part is "Preaches to you about how preachy vegans are." The only time my eating habits come up are when I bring something to a party (I mention that it is vegan, and I answer what that means by saying there aren't eggs or milk products in it), or if I am ordering or eating food with a group of people I don't know well. For some reason, people I have just met often feel it is there duty to "defend" their right to eat meat simply because of my presence. I don't push or preach to them, just try to listen and say, "Yeah, a lot of people feel that way. That's not what I do."
I guess I needed a place to vent. My hormones are reregulating and I'm feeling better today. I still wish I had a bigger vegan community to be a part of. My local vegan meetup group may be disintegrating because the organizer is stepping down. I haven't really utilized the group anyway. Some day I will have a vegan cafe and there will be a wonderful community of repeat customers.
Part of my depression is that we have been seriously looking for cafe locations all over the country and have found a few promising sites, only to find that they have already been leased out by the time we contact someone. We don't know anything about starting our own business, only that we have passion and aren't completely without reason or math skills. Today, as I was feeling down, I said to my husband that I know it's never going to happen. He tried to reassure me that we just need to contact a small business association and draw up a business plan so that we can make a wise decision. My fear and lack of faith are worse than the failure that has already happened in my head.
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